Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…

Noel gets all the credit for this horrific, terrible, ghastly joke:

What are Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Michael Jackson all getting for Christmas?

Patrick Swayze.

He had a funny nose, and now he has a coffin.

And just like that, Guy regained the lead.

The world lost a solid actor in Karl Malden today (1912 - 2009).  Perhaps most famous for his role as Detective Lt. Mike Stone on the 70’s hit show, The Streets of San Francisco, Malden was in a ton of movies and television shows during a career than spanned most of the 20th century.

There’s very little chance anybody can beat Guy this year.  Which makes us wonder… is he just a really good prognosticator, or is he perhaps taking a more active role in ensuring his victory?

“Beat It” now takes on a whole new meaning.

It’s official — Michael Jackson has moonwalked through the Pearly Gates.

Back when we started this Dead Pool, we all laughed when J picked Michael Jackson to die in 2009.  But once again, he shows us that he doesn’t have a PhD for nothing.

J has now tied for second place with Bouch in the HisDaddy.com 2009 Dead Pool!  That gives J seven more points, and two chances to overtake Guy for the lead.  Mind you, Guy has 12 points, so both J and Bouch will need one of their remaining picks to die by the end of July to take the lead, or in August to tie Guy.

As for the rest of us — our celebs better hurry up and get to dying!

Yes! I am dead, sir!

So our very own Jenny B, aka “Bouch” scored big today upon finding out that Ed McMahon had bitten the dust!

Because Ed died in June, Bouch is entitled to 7 points (12 in January, going down to 1 in December) for the HisDaddy.com 2009 Dead Pool.  This mean Bouch shoots up the charts to a solid second place behind last year’s co-champ, Guy.

Guy still has a 5 point lead, but the year is barely half over.  There are plenty of other celebs in the game that don’t look like they’re going to make it that long.

And I just want to thank all the good doctors for giving Steve Jobs a new liver, and screwing me out of my victory.  Bastards.

Famous people are going to die this year — can you guess which ones will go for it?

A dead pool is where you pick three celebrities that you guess will die that calendar year. The person who picks the most celebrities win. As a tie-breaker, points are scored for the month in which the celebrity died. For example, if the celebrity dies in January, you get 12 points. In February, you get 11, all the way down to only 1 point in December.

We invited many HisDaddy.com regulars to share with us their 2009 Dead Pool picks. Here they are:

Lamont - Fidel Castro, Mick Mars, Mary-Kate Olsen

His Daddy - Fidel Castro, Steve Jobs, Kirk Douglas

MillieJOW - Barack Obama, Patrick Swayze, Eunice Kennedy Shriver

Kellie - Peter O’Toole, Betty White, Kirk Douglas

Guy - Sen. Claiborne Pell, Karl Malden, Kirk Douglas

Kermit - Zsa Zsa Gabor, Nancy Reagan, Scott Weiland

Adam - Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, George Steinbrenner

Andy - Amy Winehouse, Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman

Fil - Kirk Douglas, Elizabeth Taylor, Scott Weiland

Meem - Amy Winehouse, Mickey Rooney, Ted Kennedy

Bouch - Betty White, Ed McMahon, Ted Kennedy

Noel - Kirk Douglas, Amy Winehouse, An Olsen Twin

J - Patrick Swayze, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson

Kendall - Steve Jobs, Patrick Swayze, Nancy Reagan

Which three celebrities would you pick?

He was a friend of students, and a friend of Guy.

So Guy, one of the Dead Pool contestants, is just good at predicting death.

For last year’s Dead Pool the fucker picked Charlton Heston, Claiborne Pell, and Amy Winehouse. He scored pretty sweet points with Heston — enough to land a tie with Roger. And if Pell had died just a few hours sooner, he’d have taken the title all solo-like.

Here I am inputting this year’s picks, and already Guy scored the maximum points with Pell. Yes, he let Pell ride, and is the first to score points (again) this year! Any chance that Guy, a Canadian cop who married a Vietnamese nail salon owner, is influencing the competition in a way that is unhealthy?

He reaped in one movie, and now he’s been reaped.

That’s right, after months of nobody scoring any points in the Death Pool, Kellie (also known as “IE”) scored a big win with Paul Newman.

Kudos to IE for her wonderful prognostication!

Unfortunately her small victory comes at a significant expense — Paul Newman was one of the best actors of all time, and perhaps one of the greatest guys to have ever lived.  His loss is huge, and we’d have gladly thrown Amy Winehouse,  50 Cent, Dick Cheney, and a slew of other people into the pit to not lose a guy like Paul Newman.  But alas, such is life.

Congrats IE, and thank you for so many great memories and humanitarian efforts, Paul!

He was big, he was bad, and now he’s dead.

It took until the fourth month of competition for the first contestants to score, but the 2008 His Daddy Death Pool has finally drawn first blood!

On April 5th, legendary screen actor Charlton Heston went the way of the Dodo and passed from this world. He was 84.

This game as great news to Roger and Guy, stiff competitors and the first players to score in the heated Death Pool. Both men receive 9 points each, as it occurred in the 4th month of the year.

Taking such a quick lead over other contestants who had picked sure-to-win celebs such as Any Winehouse and Britney Spears shocked most, though not all.

“Britney was on the rocks sure,” noted new leader Guy. “But come on — Heston looked like a walking corpse! When doing research for the Pool, I was shocked to find out he was still alive!”

The Death Pool runs until 11:59:59 on December 31st, 2008.

Current Scores:
Guy - 9
Roger - 9
Everyone else - 0

Note the even use of peace and aggression.

In the early 1980’s you looked like a pussy if you had an ACLU card. Loving the ACLU was equivalent to loving mass murderer rapists and picketing for their release.

These days, having an ACLU card is one half of what you need as a free American. If you don’t have an ACLU card and an NRA membership you are selling away huge parts of your Constitutional rights to people who really don’t care about you, and are more worried about profits than privacy.

Who’d have thunk it — the ACLU and the NRA being bunkmates on what it means to be American, but that’s where we are. The Senate (both dems AND repubs) want to spy on you without warrants. The current administration thinks that sending you $300 or less will shut you up.

Whatever happened to the good old days of giving me my gun, giving me my rights, and letting me decide what’s best for me and my family? You know, my rights of life, liberty, and property? Not like we see these days in the rights of Guantanamo, warrantless searches, and “Homeland Security.”

Even when the angels are bowling, they always keep their swords nearby, just in case.

I was watching my little nephew yesterday when it started to rain. Pretty soon followed thunder and lightning, and the little guy became scared.

“Don’t worry,” I told him, “It’s just the angels bowling in Heaven.”

“Thanks Uncle Dude,” he said. “I was very scared, but now I feel better.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I said. “But their bowling isn’t always a good thing.”

His tear-soaked little eyes looked up at me earnestly.

“Why?”

“Well,” I explained, “The angels bowl because they’re practicing for Armageddon. You see, at some point in the future, the angels are going to come down and kill us all. When they bowl, they’re practicing hurling huge balls of fire at pins that are shaped like men of all nations, so that they’ll be able to wipe out all of mankind. Then, they will wade through the piles of bodies shoving their swords into our hearts to make sure none of us are faking and that we’re all dead.”

My nephew started crying again.

“Shhhhh!” I warned him. “The angels hate crying, and if enough people cry at the same time they’ll come down and kill everybody! So never, ever cry!”

He then started to whimper, but that was better because I put him in bed to have a nap and I can’t hear whimpering from the TV room.