General Zod, once one of the greatest archvillains in history and sworn enemy of Superman, has changed his lifestyle quite dramatically. He is now living in Australia and has a different daily routine than when he first arrived on the planet.
General Zod is now a transsexual.
We recently had the opportunity to meet with Zod at his home in Alice Springs, Australia.
HD: Thanks for taking the time to meet with us, Zod. Oh sorry, do I still call you Zod?
GZ: I still go by the name Zod, yes. And I did earn the rank of general.
HD: I’m sorry, General. Should I call you General?
GZ: Greater men have died for doing less.
HD: I see. Okay, let’s move along then. Let’s get right into it — what happened? What’s with the new look?
GZ: Nothing really ‘happened.’ Fitting in has always been a bit of a bugger. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I was always frustrated, which led to my very short temper.
HD: Even back on Krypton?
GZ: Especially back on Krypton! Please do remember I became a powerful dictator who was eventually tried by a planetary criminal court and ejected into space in a gigantic extra-dimensional mirror.
HD: I see. Once you got your freedom, General, why did you continue your conquest?
GZ: Oh bollocks if I know. The last thing I yelled before being cast away was that I would reap destruction upon Jar-El and his family. You could say that having Kal-El so nearby simply fed my insatiable desire to lash out.
HD: Kal-El?
GZ: Your ‘Superman.’ Back where we come from, he has a regular name. ‘Kal’ is his first name. It’s very common on Krypton. It’s like Nigel or John.
HD: And Zod?
GZ: No, Zod is rather unique just about everywhere.
HD: So you attacked New York because Superman was here?
GZ: I was younger and things were different then. I was angry. It wasn’t like there was time to cool off. I was in the mirror, and then I was free, and Kal-El was there, you know? There was probably pressure from the other two.
HD: The other two?
GZ: I wasn’t alone in the prison. Ursa and Non were with me, and looking back I’m sure they could have cared less, but at the time I couldn’t have them see me not go after an El so immediately after our unexpected release. Maybe I did still harbor murderous thoughts? Maybe I didn’t? But at that moment I had to make a decision, and I decided to ruin your Superman.
HD: And how did that work out for you?
GZ: How impetuous! Not that well, obviously. But last I heard your Superman was drawing breath through a tube and using a wheelchair to get around. My sources say he isn’t the equestrian he thought he was. How is that working out for him?
HD: He’s dead.
GZ: Oh.
HD: He died of complications from his injury.
GZ: I’m terribly sorry to hear that. We don’t get regular news down here.
HD: He was paralyzed in a freak accident. Why would you even joke about that?
GZ: Well, please let’s be fair. I *am* still General Zod. I destroyed an entire planet, and did my best to destroy this one. I’ve slaughtered millions.
HD: But isn’t all that behind you now?
GZ: If I cut back from millions slaughtered to just a few slaughtered daily, would society applaud? I may be more comfortable with my womanly appearance, but I am still General Zod.
HD: Fair enough. Did you kill today?
GZ: It is barely past noon. It’s early yet.
HD: Why did you wait until your defeat on Earth to become a woman?
GZ: Being a transsexual isn’t a choice. The brain is informed of sex before the body is shaped. When I was being formed, I was programmed as a woman, and it was only my horror to discover at my birth that I had been shaped incorrectly. I am every part woman, only placed into man parts.
HD: You have big boobs.
GZ: I have *great* boobs. [removes top]
HD: You have *great* boobs!
GZ: Thank you. [dresses top]
HD: So what’s in the future for General Zod?
GZ: Honestly, I don’t know. I’m comfortable here. I belong here. It’s like the Wild West of America, and I’m some brazen hussy carving her own trail to her own ten cubits, you know? I’m free to explore and reach out. I’d like to think that my future is something I couldn’t imagine now.
HD: Any chance you’d want to expand past Australia and take over the world again?
GZ: Goodness no! Think of the bother! These days I get to dance and sleep late and enjoy the social life at night. Ruling a world requires all of your time, and you never get a moment’s peace. I’m quite fond of Australia.
HD: General Zod, one last question. If you could be one letter of the alphabet, which would you be?
GZ: I would be a capital letter F. When turned upside down, F becomes infinitely more stable, has just as many places to fit things, and becomes a bit more sharp at the top.
