7 February 2008 - 10:14The Angels Bowling

Even when the angels are bowling, they always keep their swords nearby, just in case.

I was watching my little nephew yesterday when it started to rain. Pretty soon followed thunder and lightning, and the little guy became scared.

“Don’t worry,” I told him, “It’s just the angels bowling in Heaven.”

“Thanks Uncle Dude,” he said. “I was very scared, but now I feel better.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I said. “But their bowling isn’t always a good thing.”

His tear-soaked little eyes looked up at me earnestly.

“Why?”

“Well,” I explained, “The angels bowl because they’re practicing for Armageddon. You see, at some point in the future, the angels are going to come down and kill us all. When they bowl, they’re practicing hurling huge balls of fire at pins that are shaped like men of all nations, so that they’ll be able to wipe out all of mankind. Then, they will wade through the piles of bodies shoving their swords into our hearts to make sure none of us are faking and that we’re all dead.”

My nephew started crying again.

“Shhhhh!” I warned him. “The angels hate crying, and if enough people cry at the same time they’ll come down and kill everybody! So never, ever cry!”

He then started to whimper, but that was better because I put him in bed to have a nap and I can’t hear whimpering from the TV room.