About HisDaddy.com

This site is an abomination and a complete waste of your time.


2011 Dead Pool

His Daddy - 27
Carrie - 15
Seth - 14
Stephy - 13
Jay - 13

28 December 2009 - 20:28We Will Now Hear Your Pleas

If you would like to participate in this year’s Dead Pool and haven’t yet been invited, please feel free to comment on this post telling us why we should consider you.

The Dead Pool is comprised of experts from all walks of life.  Their prognostications are highly-valued, and thus we only invite people who show incredible knowledge of the life cycle.

Well that, and comedic value.

1 Comment | Tags: dead pool

23 December 2009 - 16:05Update on Europe

The Final Countdown — the album that doomed them.

In 1986 the superband Europe announced through their song “The Final Countdown” (off of the album, “The Final Countdown“) that they would be “leaving for Venus.”  Presuming they spent a year or so touring the Earth saying their goodbyes to their fans, it can be safely guessed that they left the planet in 1987.

The distance to Venus is tricky to calculate because it has a circular orbit, unlike that of the Earth.  So at times Venus is only 23.7 million miles from Earth, and at others it’s 162 million miles away.

The speed at which Europe would have traveled is also tricky to calculate.  The fastest any vehicle has left the Earth is 35,800 mph, set by the New Horizons space probe in 2006.  As we know technology increases significantly every year, the ship Europe traveled in 20 years before that must have been slower; probably closer to the Ulysses space probe in 1990 (34,450 mph) or the Pioneer 10 in 1972 (32,400 mph).

If Einstein couldn’t figure out how to travel at the speed of light, you better believe the guys who wrote a song called “Ninja” sure couldn’t.

More worrying about the speed issue is that the members of Europe honestly thought they were going to be traveling at the speed of light.  In their song “The Final Countdown” they note they have “many light years to go.”  This is a concern because the ability to travel at the speed of light still has yet to be discovered.  The rockers anticipated their top speed to be that of light, or 671 million miles per hour.  That means the five Swedes launched themselves wholly unprepared for the actual journey.

At the speed of light, Europe would have reached Venus somewhere between 2 and 14 and a half minutes.  Clearly the musicians thought they were in for a short trip — roughly the length of time it takes one to get to the top of the Eiffel Tower.  Unfortunately, even if they did travel at the speed of the New Horizons probe (35,800 mph) it would have taken somewhere between 27.5 and 188.5 days for them to actually reach Venus!

Experts agree that the average human can only survive between 4-6 weeks without food.  As Europe thought they’d only be a few minutes in space, it’s fair to say they only brought with them some light snacks.  Still, they didn’t mention in the song that they’d be coming back, so it’s possible they carried as much food as possible.  The average human needs about 440 pounds of food and 182.5 gallons of water (1524 lbs) each year to survive.  Presuming Europe didn’t bring any roadies or girlfriends, the five Swedes would need 9820 pounds of food each year to survive.  That breaks down to about 27 pounds of food a day for all five of them.  In order to be alive today (22 years later) Europe must have stowed away 216,040 pounds of food.

The Saturn V rocket was freaking huge!

Unfortunately, the biggest spaceship of all time, the Saturn V rocket, could only carry about 100,000 pounds to the moon.  The Soviet Energia rocket could carry even less, at no more than 44,000 pounds.  Presuming Europe obtained a Saturn V rocket, and brought with them nothing but food and water, they’d have enough food for a little over 10 years.

So they’re dead now.

Presuming they did bring fuel to return to the Earth, they wouldn’t have been able to bring enough.  Just the first stage of the Saturn V rocket (which has 3 stages) alone requires millions of pounds of fuel.  Even considering the gravity on Venus is less than that of Earth,  millions of pounds of fuel would still be required, and as mentioned earlier, the Saturn V rocket could only carry about 100,000 pounds of cargo.

Which means that if Europe landed on Venus, they wouldn’t have had the ability to leave, and would have run out of food and water 12 years ago — so they’re dead now.

Still, even if they DID find a source of food and water, the atmosphere of Venus is brutal.  Temperatures on the surface average about 870 degrees Fahrenheit, and the air is mostly carbon dioxide, which is poisonous to humans.  Since it takes about 3 hours to cook a 24-pound turkey at 425 degrees F, each member of Europe would have passed out from carbon dioxide poisoning, and been perfectly cooked in about an hour.

Which means the Swedish band Europe is dead now… and apparently very overcooked.

No Comments | Tags: celebrity updates

20 December 2009 - 23:06The 2010 Dead Pool Is Here!

This is Guy. He just killed these fish.

You heard right, kids, the 2010 Dead Pool has officially been opened!

The event is still invitation-only.  This year we will again make it possible for people not invited to plea their cases, but until then, start thinking about who you think isn’t going to make it to 2011.

Our friend Guy tied for first in the 2008 match, and is clearly in the lead now in 2009.  There’s still another week or so left, so maybe somebody can pull a miracle out of a coffin?

If you haven’t checked out the official rules for the Dead Pool, click on the link at the top of the screen!

No Comments | Tags: dead pool

12 September 2009 - 12:19The Return of the Mack

If the song “Return of the Mack” is off of Mark Morrison’s first album, “Return of the Mack,” then from where was Mr. Morrison returning?  And if he was never around before, how can he return?

No Comments | Tags: knowledge

9 September 2009 - 21:35Strange Breakup

So I get a call today from this blind woman that I had been dating.  She told me she didn’t want to see me anymore.

I was at a loss for words.

I was a little upset by it, because I dumped her last week.  I was about to point out how she never listens, but I figured that would just make it look like nothing’s ever good enough for me.

No Comments | Tags: random

1 July 2009 - 17:37Horrible Joke

Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…

Noel gets all the credit for this horrific, terrible, ghastly joke:

What are Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Michael Jackson all getting for Christmas?

Patrick Swayze.

No Comments | Tags: awesome

1 July 2009 - 17:31The Graveyards of San Francisco

He had a funny nose, and now he has a coffin.

And just like that, Guy regained the lead.

The world lost a solid actor in Karl Malden today (1912 – 2009).  Perhaps most famous for his role as Detective Lt. Mike Stone on the 70′s hit show, The Streets of San Francisco, Malden was in a ton of movies and television shows during a career than spanned most of the 20th century.

There’s very little chance anybody can beat Guy this year.  Which makes us wonder… is he just a really good prognosticator, or is he perhaps taking a more active role in ensuring his victory?

No Comments | Tags: dead pool

25 June 2009 - 18:40Shamoff!

“Beat It” now takes on a whole new meaning.

It’s official — Michael Jackson has moonwalked through the Pearly Gates.

Back when we started this Dead Pool, we all laughed when J picked Michael Jackson to die in 2009.  But once again, he shows us that he doesn’t have a PhD for nothing.

J has now tied for second place with Bouch in the HisDaddy.com 2009 Dead Pool!  That gives J seven more points, and two chances to overtake Guy for the lead.  Mind you, Guy has 12 points, so both J and Bouch will need one of their remaining picks to die by the end of July to take the lead, or in August to tie Guy.

As for the rest of us — our celebs better hurry up and get to dying!

No Comments | Tags: Uncategorized

23 June 2009 - 18:04Ed Bites It — Bouch Scores!

Yes! I am dead, sir!

So our very own Jenny B, aka “Bouch” scored big today upon finding out that Ed McMahon had bitten the dust!

Because Ed died in June, Bouch is entitled to 7 points (12 in January, going down to 1 in December) for the HisDaddy.com 2009 Dead Pool.  This mean Bouch shoots up the charts to a solid second place behind last year’s co-champ, Guy.

Guy still has a 5 point lead, but the year is barely half over.  There are plenty of other celebs in the game that don’t look like they’re going to make it that long.

And I just want to thank all the good doctors for giving Steve Jobs a new liver, and screwing me out of my victory.  Bastards.

1 Comment | Tags: Uncategorized

2 January 2009 - 13:372009 Dead Pool

Famous people are going to die this year — can you guess which ones will go for it?

A dead pool is where you pick three celebrities that you guess will die that calendar year. The person who picks the most celebrities win. As a tie-breaker, points are scored for the month in which the celebrity died. For example, if the celebrity dies in January, you get 12 points. In February, you get 11, all the way down to only 1 point in December.

We invited many HisDaddy.com regulars to share with us their 2009 Dead Pool picks. Here they are:

Lamont – Fidel Castro, Mick Mars, Mary-Kate Olsen

His Daddy – Fidel Castro, Steve Jobs, Kirk Douglas

MillieJOW – Barack Obama, Patrick Swayze, Eunice Kennedy Shriver

Kellie – Peter O’Toole, Betty White, Kirk Douglas

Guy – Sen. Claiborne Pell, Karl Malden, Kirk Douglas

Kermit – Zsa Zsa Gabor, Nancy Reagan, Scott Weiland

Adam – Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, George Steinbrenner

Andy – Amy Winehouse, Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman

Fil – Kirk Douglas, Elizabeth Taylor, Scott Weiland

Meem – Amy Winehouse, Mickey Rooney, Ted Kennedy

Bouch – Betty White, Ed McMahon, Ted Kennedy

Noel – Kirk Douglas, Amy Winehouse, An Olsen Twin

J – Patrick Swayze, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson

Kendall – Steve Jobs, Patrick Swayze, Nancy Reagan

Which three celebrities would you pick?

3 Comments | Tags: dead pool